Thursday, September 9, 2010

Choosing Sides and Crossing Fences

I always knew I'd put up some kind of political post on this blog someday. I just never figured it'd be something like this. To begin with, I used to be interested in politics. It was my junior year in high school when I took A.P. Government and political debate seemed to be the norm. Everyone was just coming into their own beliefs and ideas and everybody wanted to share them. I even worked for the McCain campaign (Don't laugh; everybody worked for Obama) for a little bit.

Perhaps it was that experience that soured me on politics. It doesn't really matter to me. Republicans, Democrats, Tea Party - I think they're all sleazy, especially if they're in any position of power. Power corrupts, right? Okay, I'm sure there are plenty of guys actually dedicated to civic service and ably representing their constituents. There might even be more of them than there are corrupt sleazebags, but I figure if I just auto-assume that every one of them is a corrupt sleazebag, then the nice guys will surprise me. I mean, I can't really be disappointed this way.

But upon coming to college, I've seen more than a dozen recruitment posters for organizations like College Democrats or College Republicans. I even hear there was a Democratic Socialists club? All I know is that there's a bunch of them drunk on the recruiting drive (that's a figure of speech, but this being OU, I wouldn't be surprised if it was taken literally) and they all want me, you, and that other guy to join. It's not an easy decision though. There's only so much of me to go around. And how the heck are you supposed to decide in such a short amount of time?

My answer? Well, I figured it'd be best to try 'em all out. It's the soundest choice, I think, and one that these particular guys (see below) would definitely support.

That's right. I'm going to be making my political decision based on the TV series, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. You think it's stupid? I think it's hilarious. Follow my train of thinking for a minute as I attempt to explain how Dennis Reynolds has shown me the way to handle this recruiting fiasco.

Allow me to point you to Exhibit A: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 1, Episode 2, also known as "Charlie Wants an Abortion." I can't embed this clip, but it's perfect. Click here to watch it.

I figure, if I'm going to have to make a choice on which group to grace my presence with, then I better base it on what's really important: Girls. Yep. Watch that clip again. Dennis asks, "Which side had more?" If I could express my laughter and amusement through a better medium than text, I would. It's hilarious!

Later in the episode, when Dennis and Dee show up at the abortion rally, he tries to hit on several of the women there. All reject his approaches. So, he tells Dee he's going to hop the fence and join the other side.

I don't want to ruin the episode for you, but the ensuing commotion Dennis' double-dipping causes pretty much makes the rest of the episode. How does this all apply then?

Well, even though I have a bit more convictions than Dennis (I hope), I could really care less about either party. If I could vote, I'd be an independent and vote based on what I personally think about the candidates, not because the Party tells me to. So to solve my problems with joining either College Democrats or College Republicans, I've decided to take a third option. Join them both!

I'm going to take advantage of the opportunities both organizations offer (parties, get-togethers, socials) for as long as I can before they start recognizing my face and force me to choose sides. And when that decision is force on me, I'm going to make it based on the same thing Dennis based his on - the girls. The quantity and the quality. And if that makes me a scum bag, then so be it. Crossing fences, it is.

Note: This piece has been purely satirical. I mean, you honestly think I'm that shallow?

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